


No Rest For the Wicked

by Euphoriette



Series: Courage, Dear Heart [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Bonding, Character Death, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'm warning u, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Original Character(s), Possible ooc-ness due to non-canon compliancy, Tsunade cares more than she'd like to admit, it gets real fucked up real quick ladies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-04-27 19:49:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 40
Words: 15,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14432838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Euphoriette/pseuds/Euphoriette
Summary: Tsunade is old, older than anyone can imagine, but in all her years she has never felt such desperation.With Uzumaki Naruto crippled and hospitalized, Tsunade is rushing to find a way to save him. How will this affect her and all of Konoha?Will the result of her efforts be worth the pain?The impact of one mistake will be greater than she would dare to imagine..*Okay guys, on the topic of the upcoming spinoff, I decided to just go ahead and make it the second installation in this series. It's not going to be oc-centered, but it's definitely going to feature a few oc's, none of which are too fundamental to the story, so don't worry. The spinoff is going to switch POV's every chapter, and it's not going to be Tsunade centered, but Tsunade will still play a pivotal role in it because she is a fucking Goddess. (Gah, the relationship tags are killing me. I know which ships I want to sail, but I dont know whether or not to tag them in No Rest for the Wicked, because they will only sail in the upcoming sequel)*





	1. Log 01

Log 01  
Subject: Naruto Uzumaki

_I can’t believe it. No one can. We were so blinded by his endless optimism and too-good-to-be-true outlook that we failed to see that in the end he is just as human as the rest of us._

_Kyuubi’s healing is wasted on him now. He’s lost an arm and a leg on the dextral side of his body, and he’s burning up. His demon is all that is keeping him alive._

_Why him? He’s only twelve. Only twelve._

_He had his whole life ahead of him. I can’t even look at him in his state; unmoving, unfeeling. Like something just stole the life right out of him, and he’s hollow now. I can almost hear the wind whipping in him._

_He went too far and crashed too hard. He’s always playing the hero. Why does he? He doesn’t owe us anything. It’s the other way around._

_Sakura has taken to staying at his bedside into the darkest hours of the night, and Sasuke hasn’t left the training field in three days._

_Naruto Uzumaki. What have you done to us?_


	2. Log 02

Log 02  
Subject: Naruto Uzumaki

_Naruto is currently in stasis, blood transfusion seems to be helping. We have cut off injured tissue, cleaned his wounds to prevent infection, sealed off the blood vessels/nerves, and wrapped his wounds in gauze. His breathing is steady, and it looks like he’s going to make it. We were preparing to cut and reshape the muscles so we can give him prosthetics, but something stopped me, and I postponed the surgery for the next day._

_I hate myself for doing this, and I have no idea why. I tell myself we are saving him from certain death, but we’re really not. Everyone is denying it but we might as well just let Naruto die._

_If Naruto survives this, he can never be a shinobi again. He’ll be living a half-life, just a dead man walking, a pity party. I know him too well, Naruto will hate it, being the object of everybody’s sympathy._

_I can’t live with myself if that happens. I have to do something, but what can I possibly do?_

_If Naruto Uzumaki doesn't become a shinobi, I will kill him myself. I would be doing him a favor._


	3. Log 03

Log 03  
Subject: Naruto Uzumaki

_Today, we commenced with the cutting and reshaping of his muscles. The surgery proceeded smoothly, and we had finished up fairly quickly. Shizune asked me if we should get him prosthetics._

_I don’t know why I reacted the way I did. I almost can’t remember how I reacted at all, thanks to four bottles of Ichiraku’s Best. My office is a complete mess, and my desk is broken. I don’t know what the hell happened and I don’t want to know._

_I tried to talk to Shizune and the rest of the staff, but they constantly flinched away. I could tell they were choosing their words carefully, like I’m volatile, a bomb that could go off at any moment_

_They aren’t wrong. It still irritates me to no end, though._

_Kami. These logs are starting to become less about Naruto and more about me. I’m forgetting a lot more, too. I swear I only had one, I have no idea why my office is absolutely filthy with these goddamn smokes._

_That idiot Uzumaki will be the death of me, I know it._

_One thing is for sure though._

_Somehow, some way, I will ensure that Naruto becomes a shinobi. He deserves it._

_I owe him a great debt. I will not leave it unpaid._

_Naruto will become a shinobi, I swear it._

_I swear it on my Ninja Way._


	4. Log 04

Log 04  
Subject: Naruto Uzumaki

_I have started spending all my spare time in the library, and I still haven’t found anything! I have perused nearly all medical-related paraphernalia, and there is absolutely nothing! I’m three-and-a-half quarters through my stash of coffee, and there is zero information to go on._

_My goal is to restore Naruto’s limbs in a way that still allows him to channel chakra and utilize jutsu, but apparently, such advancements have not been discovered yet._

_I fear I have reached a dead end._


	5. Log 05

Log 05  
Subject: i fkn hatat JHnim

_Yiu fsauckn bistch._

_YUO FUCKN BIETUCH UZUNKI_

_I EHAHTA UUOY_

_Imsuch a fckn mss bcasu of ouyuy_

_whsjy do uety alwaeuys havjbe topaly the herto_

_WHYy_

_I HAAET YIU!!!#@#_


	6. Log 06

Log 06  
Subject: Everyone

_I’m so ashamed._

_I’ve trashed Log 05. I couldn’t stand it._

_What is happening to me?_

_Kami, my headache hurts like a bitch. I cannot think straight, my vision is hazy, and I want to die._

_I know I’m not the only one._

_Sakura cries in her stool by Naruto’s bedside, Sasuke doesn’t even speak anymore, Kakashi hasn’t come out of his apartment since the incident, and Iruka has taken to pacing outside Naruto’s door._

_Not just them, the whole village is somber._

_How is it that it is only now I am realizing how many people Naruto has affected, how many hearts he has touched?_

_Thinking about this makes me hate myself. All I do anymore is hate myself._

_And drink._

_I have to overcome this, everyone is counting on me._

_I will not go down in history as the Hokage who couldn’t even save a single shinobi due to addiction._

_I feel so alone. There is nothing in my medical books that can help me, no knowledge that will help save Naruto._

_I feel sick and disgusting. I’m so fucking helpless._

_But, there is no other choice. I can’t fail Naruto._

_I refuse to fail Naruto when he needs me most._


	7. Log 07

Log 07  
Subject: The Sand Siblings and Ideas

_The Sand Siblings visited today._

_I have no idea how they caught wind of Naruto’s hospitalization. Apparently, bijuus can communicate to each other, even across vast distances. They can even feel when one of their kind, or, by extension, one of their kind’s host, is in a state of great emotional or physical turmoil. So, to put it simply, Shukaku felt Naruto’s pain, and Shukaku told Gaara. (The nasty fucker probably gave Gaara a rough time with it, too.)_

_It is still a bit confusing to me, but I am glad they are here. Gaara’s newfound calmness helps me relax._

_It was when I was talking to Gaara, that I noticed Kankuro using his chakra strings to fetch a bottle of water, and an idea struck me._

_What if I could utilize the same concept to help Naruto?_

_Like a chakra string connects two things, what if that same idea could be used on the problem at hand?_

_I could connect Naruto’s nerve endings to wire-like apparatus with good conductivity. This would help him move his prosthetic limbs normally! The chakra channeling aspect of the situation might be a bit difficult, but I’m sure I can find a way to make it work!_

_I’m so fucking excited! I think I’ve made a breakthrough!_


	8. Log 08

Log 08  
Subject: Naruto

_Naruto woke up today._

_I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t count on him waking up so soon._

_I almost wish he hadn’t woken up at all. It did much more bad than good._

_It played out like this: I was just checking up on him, making sure his heart rate was steady and that there was no sign of infection, when I felt something grab my wrist._

_Naruto was awake, blinking at me, like he was just registering the world around him, like he couldn’t believe he was alive. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like just went through hell and back. I didn’t move, I couldn’t move. I was frozen, like his touch rendered me useless._

_Then, at that exact moment, Sakura decided to walk in. Everything seemed still for a moment, like time had stopped. She was staring at Naruto, eyes bulging out of her head, and I still couldn’t move. I wanted to reach for her, hold her, do something, but before I could snap out of whatever trance I was in, Naruto had to go ahead and say her name._

_He said it soft and dry, like sand through a sieve, but that was all it took to make Sakura lose it._

_She exploded like a volcano of tears and salt, and ran out, yelling for Sasuke, shouting her throat raw that Naruto’s awake, it’s okay._

_I managed to move, but I was years too slow, and Sasuke stopped at the threshold of Naruto’s room._

_Sasuke just stared at Naruto, I was paralyzed all over again, Sakura was sobbing, and Naruto was still._

_Sasuke just kept staring, even after Naruto said his name, even after Naruto started pleading, started begging for Sasuke to come to him, crying out his name like a curse._

_Even Sakura tried to lead Sasuke forward, tried pushing him into the room, but he just stayed still. I took a step forward, I didn’t know whether to push him away or drag him towards Naruto, whose pleas were escalating into screams._

_Finally, it was all over when something shattered in Sasuke’s eyes and he was running away, pushing Sakura to the side, gone._

_Naruto absolutely lost it._

_He thrashed in his bed, screaming, eyes going Kyuubi-red, and I called for assistance, for restraints. I channeled chakra to my hands and I managed to pin him to his sickbed as the medics tied him down like a prisoner. A syringe of sleep-inducing anesthetic was shoved into my hand and I positioned it over Naruto’s shoulder._

_I stabbed the syringe in, and Naruto was dead all over again. I turned to the entrance into his room and Sakura’s gone, probably searching for Sasuke._

_Oh, Kami._

_Why did he have to wake up?_

_I hate doing this, treating him like some fucking animal. Tying him up feels like I’m putting a leash on him._

_I left him to slumber and I've avoided his room the whole rest of the day._


	9. Log 09

Log 09  
Subject: Closure

_I can’t get what happened yesterday out of my head. Every time my mind wanders, I think about it. I couldn’t bring myself to work on developing Naruto’s upgraded prosthetics because I can’t stop thinking of anything other than the broken-glass look in Sasuke’s eyes. The scene replays in my mind over and over, stuck in my psyche with no escape. Like a parasite to blood._

_I need closure. What happened the other day wasn’t normal. Sasuke reacting the way he did, Naruto begging like a poor man. It astounds me how little I actually know about the incident. I know Sasuke was involved in Naruto’s incapacitation to an extent, but I never knew the full story, and I don’t really know what happened to Sasuke the day Naruto was admitted into the hospital. I was much too panicked, scrambling for a way to keep Naruto alive, that any thoughts of the Uchiha flew from my brain, and all I could think about was the towheaded boy bleeding rivers from an arm and a leg._

_I feel like a piece of trash, such a dumbass. I should’ve cared about Sasuke too, made sure he was okay, but I was much too concerned about Naruto and Sasuke never crossed my mind._

_I have resolved to confront Kakashi about what happened. He is their sensei so he probably has the best idea of what went down. I can’t let myself get caught up in the Uzumaki, I still have a whole village to run._

_After I find out, I will most definitely resume work on getting Naruto a functioning arm and leg, and stop procrastinating with my paperwork._

_How am I just noticing the mountainous stack of paperwork on my desk? It’s like a damned ocean, and I have no doubt that it will take more than few sleepless nights to complete all of it._

_Shit._

_I feel older than the Great Stone Faces, and my headache is absolutely killing me. It’s like my skull is caving inwards._

_Where are my fucking painkillers when I need them?_


	10. Log 10

Log 10  
Subject: The Rooftop

_I’ve confronted Kakashi about the incident, and seriously, I’m not even surprised._

_I don’t even know who I hate more right now, Sasuke or Naruto. How could they do this, go ahead and risk everything? How?_

_..._

_Fuck, I’m kidding myself. Kami, I don’t hate them, truly._

_I don’t hate either of them._

_I can’t hate them. I can’t hate anything, I can’t even fucking feel anything. It’s like I’m empty, incapable of emotion._

_I suppose it’s because I have numbed to the hurt by now._

_I understand, though. I understand why._

_Sasuke’s like me now, inhuman, incapable of emotion, because Naruto was his love and his hate, but, now, Naruto is effectively dead to him._

_All Sasuke sees now is a broken husk, unfeeling and risking death. He’s scared of hurting, losing the one thing that’s kept the spark in him alive, his everything._

_I should have seen it before, I probably overlooked it because it was so goddamn obvious._

_So goddamn obvious that Naruto was Sasuke’s and Sasuke was Naruto’s. Theirs to love and hate and hurt. They would cross worlds for each other, simply because that was the way it was and the way it always should have been._

_Naruto tried to play the hero, tried to save him, bring him back; he’s always playing the hero._

_In the end, they went too far, crashed too hard, and now there’s nothing left, only because Kakashi was seconds too late. Kakashi couldn’t come between them if he tried, so he just salvaged the one that he could reach, pulling Sasuke across the rooftop and away from Naruto._

_A Chidori and Rasengan were more than enough to seal Naruto’s fate._

_Fate is one cruel, bitch mistress._

_I won’t fault Sasuke if he goes, falls to his slave brand. I wouldn’t blame him, really._

_Honestly, I’m hoping he goes._

_There’s nothing left for him in Konoha anyway._


	11. Intermission: Kakashi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is fukin done and Sasuke gets rekt like a hoe.

Kakashi lies in bed massaging his temples, nursing his headache, and sighs.

He’s waxing desolate, he can feel it.

Kakashi blames himself. He should have gotten there quicker, he should have noticed the tension. Sasuke’s jealousy, his anger. Kakashi should have _known_.

He’s lost track of how long he has stayed in his apartment. Sakura comes by to bring him food, but that’s about all the interaction he gets. Gai tries talking to him from time to time, but Kakashi can’t bring himself to look at him, and it always ends in awkward silence.

He wishes he could say something. He’s nearly lost Naruto, he’s going to lose Sasuke, and Gai…

Oh _Kami_.

Kakashi Hatake wishes he could reverse time, take it all back, get there early, and pull Sasuke and Naruto to safety. He wishes and wishes, but fate has never been on his side and all his wishes go unnoticed by the stars, twinkling coldly in the nighttime sky.  
___

It’s late at night, and Kakashi is wide awake when he feels it.

A spark of familiar chakra beneath his window, and he rushes to the glass, just managing to see a shadow disappearing around a corner. He can’t see the shadow-figure’s face, but he knows who it is.

Before Kakashi can even think about it, his feet are carrying him outside, following Sasuke and Kakashi wants to _hurt_ him.

How can he be so _selfish_? Doesn’t he care about Naruto? Doesn’t he care about Sakura? What about Konoha, everyone who cares for him? He’s just willing to leave all that behind for his own sake?

Kakashi puts on a burst of speed, anger fueling him. He turns the corner, and skids to a stop at what he sees.

It’s Sakura. Poor, sweet Sakura, bottom lip trembling, standing before Sasuke, a shaking statue, eyes glowing with tears.

She’s standing in front of Sasuke, looking like she’s about to cry and Kakashi is stepping forward.

Sasuke tries to push her aside, and Kakashi is nearly there.

Then something changes in Sakura’s face, and Kakashi is seconds too late.

Her face goes angry, baring her teeth like fangs. She strides forward and punches Sasuke hard in his face.

And Kakashi is frozen to the ground because _he can’t believe it_.

Sasuke can’t believe it either, he’s always seen Sakura as a nuisance, nothing but a weakling, but now, he’s scrambling on the ground at her mercy. He can't even activate his Sharingan, he's so surprised. Almost as surprised as Kakashi, because, deny it he might, the Haruno was always far from his mind.

Sakura is an angel of vengeance, and she screams like a war cry. Screaming at Sasuke, because it’s _all his fault_.

Kakashi doesn’t move because she’s right. He still doesn’t move when Sakura starts whaling on Sasuke, stomping his face, breaking his nose _at least_ six times before she finally stops and he’s out cold on the ground.

She would have killed him if she could, but she’s holding herself back for Naruto. 

Everyone is holding themselves back for Naruto at this point, even Tsunade. Last Kakashi saw his Hokage, she was trying so hard to stay calm, pushing down her emotions, trying not to let them force her hand. Gray was streaking through her hair, coloring her lifeless.

Sakura looks up at Kakashi, challenging him to say something, but Kakashi dare not open his mouth. 

Then, she turns to Sasuke’s unmoving form, spits clean between his eyes, grabs his foot and starts dragging him back into Konoha, going out of her way to pull him over every bump and stone in the road. Kakashi turns to her and is met with a cold-as-steel gaze and three words.

“He deserves it.”

Staring at Sakura’s back, fading into the night, Kakashi Hatake wonders just what his genin have gotten themselves into. Just what his genin have started.

Something is coming. Something that will rend the Hidden Five, shake the very Earth to it's core. Like a storm on the horizon.

Kakashi can feel it, hanging in the air like mist. It tastes bloody and metallic, tainting the cold breeze of the coming dawn with something sad and strange.


	12. Log 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bang bang two shots fired plot gone missing house on fire
> 
> (there will be plot next time i sWEAR)

Log 11  
Subject: Sasuke

_Last night was so hectic, I almost cannot remember what happened._

_I remember Sakura though._

_Dragging Sasuke, who was passed out with a broken nose, into my office by his foot. I recall examining Sasuke, and I don’t even know how the hell she did it, but Sakura actually managed to clock Sasuke hard enough to give him a concussion._

_A fucking concussion._

_Kami, I can’t tell if that’s freaky or badass._

_Speaking of Sasuke, he is now on probation, and is being watched by ANBU._

_I see now, he is much too volatile, a liability. Sakura was right to slug him, he can’t be allowed to leave Konoha._

_…_

_Fuck, I have to stop avoiding it, stop dancing around what is solid fact. I have to stop this charade of indifference. If I become any more inhuman, I might just fade into the stars._

_I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take Sasuke any more._

_Everything that has happened, everything he has done, what might have happened, it’s too unpredictable. He’s too unpredictable, he nearly killed Naruto for Kami’s sake!_

_I want him to be happy, I wish he could be. But, it has gone too far, and as Hokage I need to put a stop to it before it starts._

_Sasuke could kill everyone in this village if he put his mind to it, he really could. I feel so stupid for never noticing how dangerous he is. He could wear us down to nothing but fire and ice, and let us rot away into oblivion._

_It scares me that Sasuke might not even care if he did._

_I care about him, I really do. I hate doing this, imprisoning someone like this. Putting them in a cage._

_I wonder what I am now. I’m certainly not Tsunade from four weeks ago. It seems that just yesterday, Team Seven wasn’t broken, just a little splintered. Jagged edges aligning, bit by bit._

_Also, my liquor cabinet is starting to appear in my fucking dreams._

_Oh, skies above, I feel bleached away and melting._

_Like the thawing, the cracking of ice. Like fire to wood, setting it ablaze, sparking up into the night._


	13. Log 12

Log 12  
Subject: Prosthetics

_I’ve started work on prosthetics again. All that has happened has left me little time to work on them, but I persevere._

_I finally have a rudimentary idea of what I am going to do. Because the brain sends signals to the muscles through the nerves using neuroelectric impulses, I just have to find an appropriate conductor to carry those impulses. Copper or stainless steel electrodes are my first choice for a good conductor. I don’t need to worry about Naruto’s chakra network, it will just automatically re-situate itself if I do this._

_Considering this, I will probably need to find a way to integrate a conductive metal/material into Naruto’s bone structure. It will have to be porous so the bone and marrow cells can fuse with it efficiently. Polypropylene will probably do the trick. I will make sure to place the order to import polypropylene some time today._

_I have already started the blueprints for the prosthetics. I’ll have to burn some midnight oil if I want to get them done quickly._

_Kami, I’m going to need a whole roomful of espressos just to get through this._


	14. Log 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> have some bonding yall deserve it

Log 13  
Subject: Unexpected Friendships

_I’ve been writing about him in a whole other set of logs, purely medical-related._

_But I think now is a good a time as ever to bring up Rock Lee._

_Lee is still in the hospital, recovering from his injuries in the Chunin exams. He’s not doing much better, but at least he isn’t getting any worse, which is a good thing in itself. I think I am quite justified to say Rock Lee is either insanely optimistic, or just plain insane. He somehow manages to stay peppy though he is hospitalized, even with his foot and leg crushed. On multiple occasions, I have caught him trying to sneak out so he could do more push-ups with his good arm._

_Considering Lee’s personality, all of his antics are actually quite believable now that I think about it. I should have expected him trying to run three hundred laps around Konoha, really._

_I must say though, the one thing I didn’t expect was Rock Lee and Naruto bonding over near-death experiences._

_Naruto had woken up again some time ago, and things went much more smoothly than last time._

_He had seemed to remember what had happened the last time he woke up, judging by the fact that he didn’t speak a single word about Sasuke whilst enduring Sakura’s fretting. Lee had insisted on visiting Naruto (last time Naruto awoke, Lee was in a coma, so he had no chance to insist on anything) and somehow, the two had become fast friends, bonding over their similar predicaments._

_Starting a few days ago, Lee would ride over on his wheelchair into Naruto’s room, and would just talk and talk endlessly with the blond. They would often end up staying awake late into the dark hours of the night, and Lee would even fall asleep by Naruto’s bed, sometimes._

_I catch them staying up often, they usually beg for a few more minutes, and, like the silly woman I am, I let them. A few times I’ve caught them sobbing, spilling their fears to each other, but, in the end, they would just encourage and support each other (and fall asleep on each other)._

_When they fell asleep, Lee would be beside Naruto’s bed, leaning over his wheelchair. His head would be resting atop Naruto’s and they both would be sound asleep, drooling a river._

_It’s actually fucking adorable, seriously._

_I’m so relieved they found solace in each other. Sure, it was unexpected, but it seems to be helping. Naruto’s smiles aren’t as stiff anymore._

_Anyway, besides Uzumaki and Lee, my order for polypropylene just got delivered, even more quickly than expected! This means I can start working on a prototype for the prosthetics, and my blueprints are nearly done! I just have to clarify the placements of the electrodes!_

_The sun shines a tad bit brighter and I’ve also stopped dreaming of liquor shots, which is a huge weight off my back. I was starting to have delusions of the alcohol calling to me._

_I can’t help thinking that maybe, finally, things are looking up._

_Just a little, but it’s good enough._


	15. Log 14

Log 14  
Subject: Prosthetics, Surgery, and Interrogations

_Damn._

_It’s been some time since I last wrote. I managed to get myself so caught up in Naruto, his prosthetics, and Lee, that I completely forgot about updating my logs._

_I am quite the excellent procrastinator, even if I do say so myself. Why else would there be ridiculously huge stacks of paperwork on my desk?_

_Besides paperwork, I have a metric shitton to write about!_

_First off, the good news: the first prototypes of the prosthetics are done, one for an arm, another for a leg. I am planning to use small electric shocks in place of nerve impulses to see if the prosthetics respond accordingly. Then, I’ll fix any errors and keep improving them._

_Naruto’s stupidly excited, he’s been jumpy all week. It must be a side effect of being around Lee. His “youthfulness” is getting to Naruto._

_Really, though, I’m getting jumpy, too. Those two nimrods are growing on me._

_Now, for the bad news._

_Well, more like the goodish-baddish news. It can go either way, honestly._

_Lee is dead set on getting a surgery to fix his arm and leg, and he absolutely won’t listen to anything I say! I can’t tell if his insistence is due to his dedication to his nindo, or to his incredible idiotic courage when faced with a terrible risk. It doesn’t help that Naruto supports his choice, either._

_Those two combined are like a force of nature, so annoying it deteriorates your mental stability._

_The reason I’m worried is because Lee has only a fifty percent chance of survival if he chooses to undergo the surgery. If it goes well, Lee can possibly be a ninja, but if things go south…_

_I don’t even want to imagine the aftermath. Lee will never be a shinobi, and I will never forgive myself._

_I can’t lose Lee. I came so close to losing Naruto, and I think I may have lost Sasuke._

_I will not lose another ninja I care so deeply for. I refuse to._

_Other than that, everything seems to be slowly getting better. The village is in slightly happier spirits, and Naruto’s is almost back to his regular cheery attitude, and has started getting his appetite for ramen back._

_I just have to careful not to mention Sasuke around him._

_Truthfully, I know I’m going to have to bring up the Uchiha sooner or later. Naruto can’t just avoid it eternally._

_Speaking of Sasuke, I’ve tried talking to him, on multiple occasions. I’m not saying he doesn’t answer, he just never says anything relevant. He’s so good at dodging questions, and the more I interrogate him, the more I realize I don’t even really know much about him._

_Kami, I’ve tried talking for hours on end, and that boy is ten times as stubborn as a mule! I can’t get anything solid out of him except for one fact:_

_He will be leaving Konoha, and no one can stop him._

_And that’s too bad, because I can’t let that happen._

_I tried telling him that, tried reminding him of Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, the good times._

_He just responded by saying that those good times don’t matter to him anymore._

_I don’t understand. How is leaving Konoha going to do him any good? What does he even hope to accomplish by defecting?_

_Seven heavens, I wish I could understand. I want to know what makes him tick._

_Everyone has tried talking, and the results were no different from my attempt to understand Sasuke._

_I just want to help him._

_But, now, I wonder, who am I helping him for?_

_Do I really care for him, or do I just want to protect Konoha from his actions? What is pulling the strings?_

_..._

_Fuck, I’m getting off topic. Lee’s surgery, Naruto’s prosthetics, stay focused._

_I’ve got this._

_...Who am I kidding, I’m a mess and this log is even messier. I need to get it together, and quit psyching myself out. My gray hairs are starting to show._

_Bloody hell, I haven’t taken a bath in a million years! I’m starting to smell like grease and despair._

_I’ll be back when I stop procrastinating and smelling of instant ramen. I'll have a lot of stuff to keep me up tonight, that's for sure._


	16. Log 15

Log 15  
Subject: Surgery

_It’s time. Finally, one thousand pep talks later, it’s here. One thousand arguments later, one thousand tears later, it’s all coming together._

_It’s confirmed, Lee is the stupidest, bravest idiot I know, and I’m ten times more idiotic for going through with this, but how can I not?_

_It’s surgery day, the reckoning, the one point in Lee’s life that will decide his future, and it’s all in my hands._

_I’m sweating bullets. At seven o’ clock sharp in the morning, Lee is going to be anesthetized, and there’s going to be blood. Lots of it, and I’m almost going mad. This log is the only thing I can confide in._

_Kami, guide my hands. I must succeed, there is no other way, no other option. Neji and Tenten are already waiting in the surgery room, Gai has ran three hundred laps while crying, and I'm tasting bile, reading through the surgery details and statistics, searching for something, though I don't know what I'm searching for._

...

_I’ve analyzed the surgery procedure, Lee’s health, everything and I’ve come to a conclusion._

_It’s a fifty-one percent chance of survival, not fifty, and if a one percent difference is going to save Lee, then I will make that difference count._

_Seven o’ clock is one hour away, and look at me._

_Stretching each minute into a lifetime, just so I can say that extra prayer._


	17. Log 16

Log 16  
Subject: The Aftermath

_I can’t do anything, I can’t focus, nothing. All I can think about is the blood, Lee, and Naruto as he tells me that I better save Bushy Brows._

_Everyone’s going slightly mad. Naruto’s eyes have gone Kyuubi-red. Neji and Tenten have taken to accompanying Gai on his laps around the hospital. I’m biting my own lips off._

_In a few minutes, the effects of Lee’s anesthetics will probably be wearing off._

_It’s all up to fate now._

_Oh Kami, I can still smell blood, and my stomach feels like a pit of tar._

_I can’t do this, I need to think._

_I’ll write later, for now, I just want to keep my fingers crossed._

_…_

_It’s been thirty minutes, and Lee still hasn’t woken up. Sakura’s started pacing outside his door, and I’m definitely going nuts._

_…_

_Still nothing. I’m in his room now, and hoping against hope that it wasn’t the wind fluttering through Lee’s eyelashes._

_…._

_Yes!_

_Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! Who’s that doctor, I am! What’s up, what’s good?_

_Lee’s awake, he can feel his limbs, and he can move them! I almost can’t believe it!_

_After an hour of nerve-wrackery, everything’s alright!_

_Everyone is going absolutely spare! Naruto’s actually reverted into his primary one-tailed form, he’s so excited! Sakura’s already going to calm him down, her face probably hurts from smiling._

_Gai is on another tangent about youth, Tenten is crying (she calls it liquid happiness) Neji is smiling, probably for the first time in his entire life, and, of course, Lee wants to know when he can start training._

_As for me, for the first time in a while, in a long while, I’m okay, at peace._

_One thing's for sure. There's going to be drinks all around tonight!_


	18. Log 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whoa what the fuck tsunade has insecurities about her kind of shady past who would've thunk

Log 17  
Subject: Sakura

_Today was interesting if nothing else. Everything was per usual until Sakura visited the hospital, but for an unexpected reason._

_I’m going to get right to the point. She wants me to be her mentor._

_Honestly, I probably should have seen it coming. Alongside training extra hard, Sakura’s been hanging around the hospital a lot in her free time. I never really noticed her because she usually just hangs around in the background, observing and occasionally helping me and the medic nins out, but when I think about it, I do recall spotting her perusing through some medical books._

_Really though, I don’t know about mentoring her. I really don’t think I’d be the best teacher._

_I mean, look at me. Former drunken gambling slob tutoring a fairly promising kunoichi? I think not._

_Sure, I became Hokage, but, at first, I didn’t even want to be Hokage!_

_And, lets face it, I’m probably not the best Hokage either. I’m disorganized, experiencing withdrawal (though it’s getting better), and a former drunkard. I know I look intimidating, I am intimidating. But, seriously, I’m not the most self-assured, trustworthy person. I’m probably the complete opposite of teacher material._

_Yeah, I’m definitely not the best mentor._

_..._

_I told her I’ll think about it. I really do want to say yes, but I’m not sure I can help Sakura become the amazing shinobi I know she has the potential to become. Bottom line is, I’m not the right person for her._

_But, apparently, Sakura believes I am. I’m flattered, truly._

_I can’t let my own insecurities get in the way of helping Sakura, but I also don’t want to impose my insecurities and bad habits on her._

_I don’t know what to do, and that scares me._

_I’m going to have to give this some real thought._

_Maybe it’s finally time for some sorely-needed soul searching._


	19. Log 18

Log 18  
Subject: Prosthetics

_All good things today, thank Kami! It’s been some time since I’ve opened another log, and I have some stuff to get off my back._

_First off, I’ve accepted Sakura’s offer._

_Why?_

_Because I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a badass fucking bitch, and I’m going to help Sakura do a full one-eighty and transform into the prodigy she’s destined to be._

_...Okay, probably not the best way to put it._

_What I mean is: I've actually come a long way since my days of liquor and dice, and after a lot of thinking I’ve finally decided to mentor Sakura._

_I’m not saying I’m completely clean now, and after I thought about it, I realized that I do have a lot of problems, lots of jagged edges that need aligning._

_But, nobody is perfect, and everyone has their problems, but the trick is to get your game face on and overcome them._

_I can’t shy away from things like this just because I’ve got some shit to sort out. I’m the Hokage for Kamis sake, not some bumbling teenager! I’m better than my past, bygones are bygones, and I’m choosing to focus on the present. I’m going to be the best Tsunade I can be, the person Sakura-no, all of Konoha deserves._

_I truly do love Konohagakure, and my people deserve a great leader. They accepted me when I didn’t even accept myself._

_Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to suddenly turn into Confidence Poster Woman or something. I’m just going to try changing bit by bit, for the better, baby steps until I get it right._

_Seriously, though, I figure it’s about time for me to Sannin the hell up._

_Now, moving on to the elephant in the room: The prosthetics._

_I’ve tested them many times over and deemed them ready for use. They’ve responded accordingly to simulated nerve impulses, all the parts are stable, and as a finishing touch, I’ve coated them in fire/water proof covering. I just have to set the surgery date._

_Sure, I’m a little nervous, but I know the end result is definitely going to be worth it. Naruto doesn’t know yet, but I plan to surprise him this evening. He’s going to be bouncing off the walls, the little fucker._

_..._

_Honestly, I feel so much better after writing this log. Reading over my other logs, I’ve realized how far the extent of my self-doubt stretched and how much it was holding me and my comrades back._

_But, from now on, I swear I’m going to try my best._

_Really, it’s not about me, never was._

_It’s about everyone else, and I can’t believe it took me so long to realize that._


	20. Log 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it all fucks up yo, right here right now. the moldy butter on the assbread of the universe

Log 19  
Subject: Sasuke

_I can’t believe it._

_I cannot fucking believe it. I cannot fucking believe him._

_Sasuke’s gone._

_He’s escaped, an official missing-nin if we don’t get him back. I don’t even know how he escaped, I thought he was under constant custody. ANBU should have been watching him around the clock!_

_There is no way Sasuke could have eluded the ANBU. Not without assistance. My best guess is that they were probably infiltrated somehow. Probably by Orochimaru’s lackeys._

_I’ve already sent ninja teams after Sasuke to retrieve him. All I can do now is pray and wait._

_Fuck, I can’t stand it, I’ve already had to strap Naruto down to the fucking bed just to keep him from trying to go after Sasuke, running purely on Kyuubi’s chakra. If he struggles much more, he’ll break his cot, and I don’t want to give him sedative again, but he’s forcing my hand. Sakura’s staying back to try to calm him down, and she's barely managing to._

_I’m still reeling from it. How did this happen so quickly? Everything was smoothing out, looking up, and suddenly, in one fell swoop, it all goes south. In seconds Sasuke’s gone, stolen away, and that snake of a Sannin is going to turn him into nothing more than a shell._

_Kami help me, when I find Orochimaru, I will kick his slimy, scrawny ass right into Hells deepest circle._


	21. Log 20

Log 20  
Subject: Mission Failed

_It’s confirmed. Uchiha's escaped._

_The ninja teams that were dispatched have searched for three nights straight, and they found nothing. Sasuke slipped away, right under my nose._

_I can’t abide it, but there is nothing more I can do. I’ve already sent out letters to the other villages informing them of his defection, but that’s the limit of the Sasuke retrieval effort. He’s officially classified as a missing-nin now. Shinobi are now authorized to hunt him down._

_I don’t want to stop, I would search for him myself If I could, but there are too many wounded to take care of. I hate to admit it, but Orochimaru’s goons are not to be underestimated._

_Apparently there was a diversion. The chuunin/jonin section of the mission was led away into trap of paper bomb mines, which left the genin section vulnerable to attack. The genins put up a good fight, but Orochimaru's minions put up a better one._

_As a whole, the mission was a complete failure. I can’t even think about, just the thought of it makes me want to burn something._

_I hate it but it’s the harsh truth. Sasuke Uchiha is gone and there is not a single thing I can do to bring him back._

_The only incentive for him returning now is Naruto, who is currently missing an arm and a leg, and is unable to move._

_All I can do now is do what I do best: heal. I have to believe things will get better. My people need me right now, and I have to be strong._

_..._

_Orochimaru’s won this battle, I’ll admit that._

_But he better watch himself because he won’t be winning any more._

_Count on it._


	22. Intermission: Orochimaru

Orochimaru smiles, waiting, ever patiently, ticking away quietly in the dark. Licking across his teeth, he tastes the air, goosebumps rising.

_He’s here_.

A grin splits his face, impossibly wide, and his tongue flickers out. Tasting the scent in the air, absolutely relishing it, until he’s high on the smell of it. Oh, he can’t wait to get started. Can’t wait to break in this solemn little bird, flightless and blind. All his to snap and melt and reshape into something new.

He slowly gets up, savoring the moment, and turns.

_Sasuke_.

The boy in in the shadows glares and glares, moving like he’s stepping on hot coals and glass. His eyes flash like obsidian and blood, he’s war-hungry, and the feeling is almost painfully palpable. He tilts his head slightly like a raven, wary yet curious.

Orochimaru glides across the sparsely-lit room in a second, grin splitting impossibly wider, stepping forward and cupping Sasuke’s cheek. Running his hand down his neck, slipping to the seal. The boy blanches, he’s stock-still, defiant, but unmoving. 

“I’ve been expecting you,”

The curse-mark burns on his pale skin, and Orochimaru wants to _bite_ it.

“Sasuke-kun.”  
___

His big black eyes can’t seem to get enough of his surroundings, darting around, mapping out of his environment. Orochimaru knows it’s not just curiosity. He’s planning out possible escape routes, vantage points, all the ways he can let this go to shit and _escape_ if things take a turn for the worse.

Orochimaru smiles, leering.

“Kabuto,” he says, jolting the bespectacled nin to attention, “Give Sasuke-kun a little...tour around. He should get to know his new home.”

With a nod to affirm his orders, Kabuto turns, speaking quietly to Sasuke, then continues down a darkened hall, the Uchiha at his heels.

For a second, Sasuke turns around, head tilted, birdlike, narrowed eyes searching Orochimaru’s face.

Orochimaru grins, licking a long tongue over his teeth.

Eyes widening, Sasuke whips around, and walks away just a tad faster.  
___

Kabuto is still showing Sasuke around when a small hand tugs at Orochimaru’s robes, and the tall man turns and looks down to see a pale, small girl, with strawberry-red hair and eyes.

“Orochimaru-sama...is he..?”, the girl starts hesitantly, fidgeting. Orochimaru smiles gently, and cards a hand through her hair.

“Yes, Karin, dear. He’s the one I’ve been waiting for.”


	23. Log 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes, it's me, Euphoriette
> 
> back at it again, with another chapter-log

Log 21  
Subject: Catching up

_Kami, it’s been years._

_Years and years since I last wrote, and everyone’s grown up now, too._

_Strange, seeing all those little ankle-biters I once knew encountering the weird-as-hell stage in life known as maturity, it’s enough to make an old woman cry (and snort-laugh)._

_Time flies when a criminal organization is at large._

_…_

_Honestly, I have no idea why I’ve taken up writing again, but I guess I just needed something to channel my latent violent tendencies._

_Just kidding about the latent violent tendencies, but the part about channeling is for real. An outlet for my thoughts would do me a world of good right about now._

_So much has happened, where do I even start? Everything is almost a blur, but it's still there in the back of my mind, like a distant memory, just vivid enough to stick._

_I guess I’ll start where I left off and see what I remember._

_First off, Sasuke Uchiha is gone, that is one thing I can never forget. Orochimaru’s taken him. Sure, a few of my fellow Sannins underlings were eliminated, but, overall, the mission failed. As an extra unpleasant dose of reality, I have no idea of his whereabouts and no information to go on._

_I just want Sasuke alive, at the least. Alive and happy is a stretch, but him still alive is good enough to be hopeful._

_Also, the aforementioned criminal organization is actually called the Akatsuki. I don’t really have a lot of info on them, though. They used to be fierce and powerful, until they dismantled. I'm not going to worry too much about it. It's probably just a bunch of disillusioned fanatics trying to bully the villages into fearing them._

_On a happier note, Naruto has had a full recovery. His prosthetics are working fine and he’s left with that old coot Jiraiya to train because, don’t get me wrong, he has a lot of catching up to do. I'll be crossing my fingers, owing to the fact that those two together are an accident waiting to happen. An accident probably somehow involving ramen, frogs, a wayward Rasengan, and steamy romance novels._

_Sakura’s also come a long way. Helped along by her stellar chakra control, she can upturn ground like nobody’s business, and is a near prodigy in the field of medical expertise. If she works at it, she just might surpass me one day. Not that I am biased or anything (which I undoubtedly am) but Haruno has the makings of a fine Hokage. She just needs some more time to mature._

_Now, the most important development to date (in my opinion)._

_The Suna-Konoha joint exams. Much to my chagrin, many have taken to calling it Operation: Leafy Sand, which I think is stupid. Operation: Sandy Leaf is a much better name, and at least makes some sense._

_Back to the point: it is the first joint exams between the two villages, and frankly, I’m excited. Not only will there be some new chunin, it will also give everyone something to take their mind off of everything that has been happening. I am also looking forward to seeing Sunagakure’s newly-inducted Kazekage, (the previous one kicked the bucket because of Orochimaru, damn that snake-face) and I would like to give them some advice, or maybe just enjoy camaraderie formed through our positions as Kage's._

_To be candid, I hope Gaara has the position. That boy has a scary amount of potential, especially since his post-Naruto heel-face turn. I know it was his goal to be Kazekage, and I sincerely hope that it has come to fruition. Kami knows he deserves it, he’s worked way too hard and come too far for his dream to remain unrealized._

_..._

_Whew, that was a lot to get out._

_Crazy isn’t it, how I didn’t really comprehend the enormity of everything that has come to pass until I made a log about it._

_I’ll stop here. I still have a lot of work to do concerning the joint exams, especially considering the rumors of a jinchuuriki attending._

_I’ll write again, when I find the time of course. Duty calls, the exam isn’t going to organize itself._


	24. Log 22

Log 22  
Subject: The Kazekage

_Well, today was...interesting, for lack of a better word._

_..._

_I should probably start at the beginning._

_Today was going perfectly normally. I was finishing up organizing the Chunin Exams, and the shinobi candidates from Suna were just starting to roll in (the shinobi from Amegakure, Kusagakure and Takigakure were scheduled arrive later in the day). I was supervising the whole thing, and after assigning ANBU to their designated stations, I waited outside Konoha to usher in the rest of our guests from the Sand._

_I was at the gateway, greeting the Suna officials when I saw the new Kazekage, who frankly gave me quite the shock._

_Because, the new Kazekage wasn’t Gaara._

_It was Temari._

_..._

_I don’t even know what to write, the aftereffects of my mind being blown must still be lingering. I mean, maybe it was just my earlier expectations of Gaara becoming Kazekage speaking, but I really thought he had it made. I know that’s probably not realistic, owing to his..past habit of murdering in cold blood, but I still thought he at least had a really good chance. He’s persevered through his hardships, and changed for the better. Ever since the previous Exams, Suna’s welfare was in his best interests, not to mention his desire to connect with others more profoundly. To put it simply, that kid worked his ass off for his village._

_I guess that wasn’t enough to convince his people, though._

_It’s not like I’m selling Temari short either. She’s an excellent, powerful, and steadfastly loyal kunoichi, who’s more than earned the respect of Suna. I’m happy for her, yes. I’m just surprised, probably more surprised than I should be, honestly._

_But, the strangest thing today wasn't even discovering Temari’s newfound Kagehood._

_It was that didn’t see Gaara at all. Not hide nor hair of him. He’s just simply not there._

_Not among the incoming Suna nin, not with his brother or sister, nowhere. I searched for him a bit, but to no avail. I thought I felt a hint of his chakra signature once or twice, but I must have been imagining things._

_When I got the chance to talk to Temari, I asked her about him, but she just told me his current status was not to be divulged, and avoided talking about the subject any further._

_It irks me, but I can’t linger on it. There’s still some aspects of the Exam that need fine-tuning, and I have a lot more to worry about than a missing redhead. Especially since there is a good chance those fucksticks the Akatsuki might show up, looking for the jinchuuriki from Takigakure._

_I think her name is Fuu, I’m not sure though. I know Temari’s got the Suna Black Ops that were accompanying her keeping an eye on the jinchuuriki, and my own ANBU are keeping tabs on her, so that’s taken care of._

_…_

_Stepping away from the topic of the Exams, Sakura’s been training like a madwoman. I’ve taught her even more, now she’s got poisons in her arsenal. I know she’ll perform excellently and I’m already proud of her anyway. Deciding to mentor her was one hell of an excellent decision on my part._

_The overall turnout for this Exam is actually pretty awesome, now that I think about it._

_There’s definitely going to be a lot of kick-ass chunin this time. I can’t wait!_


	25. Log 23

Log: 23  
Subject: Temari

_The Konoha-Suna Joint Exams have officially started! Operation: Sandy Leaf is a go!_

_...I’ve REALLY got to work on that operation name._

_Anyway, the rest of the ninja from Ame, Kusa, and Taki have arrived, and the first part of the exams is currently underway. It consists of three questions that assess how well the three-man teams know each other, and a bonus question that tests their loyalty to each other. This is actually a trick question, as all members of a team must be present in order to be qualified for the second round._

_I had a chance to talk with Temari some more during the commencement of the exam. Funny how we suddenly have so much in common now that we are both kages. We talked about a great manner of things, our villages, the pros and cons of being a kage, political issues, topics of that ilk. She had also redesigned the Suna Anbu as I have noticed, the earlier design being “oldy-moldy”, as Temari put it. The Sunagakure council was gunning for it too, so why not?_

_I do like the new design. It consists of a black hood connected to a long-sleeve shirt, with a simple flak jacket over top and fingerless gloves. They wear cloth masks with the design of an animals face on it that corresponds to their Anbu name, that covers the upper part of their face. Standard tanto, elbow/knee coverings, black (edgy) pants, BAM fresh-fiece-n-funky._

_I’m just kidding. It is pretty badass though._

_But, throughout our conversation, one thing was blatantly clear:_

_Temari’s never wanted this. I can tell, I’ve been in the same boat. It’s obvious, the way her whole chakra seems to dampen when she thinks I don’t notice, the way she fidgets in her kage robes, like they’re weights instead of cloth, how she wears her hat like it’s a descending guillotine. She seems almost guilty._

_I know what she’s guilty about. Hers is dream that should have been realized by someone else. She fits in her position, but uncomfortably. If she could, she’d take any chance to flee, she’ll serve her village until she’s dead in the dirt, but this feels wrong._

_Temari’s no kage. She could be but she isn’t and thats the bottom line. The way she avoids looking at Shikamaru seals the deal._

_Even more than that, Temari’s just not that kind of person. She’s never been stuck before in her life, never been tied down by something. The only thing that she abides tethering her is her love for her blood kin and brethren. She’s a true wind user, though she’s gone a bit too far. She’s almost become the gale force power she uses, and that’s why she hates the loadstone of the Kazekage position around her neck._

_I felt like that too, long ago. I was the wind. The sound you hear of running in the distance, the light at the horizons edge._

_But now, I feel more alive, less flighty. The world seems brighter when I take the time to really see it, really feel it, and I hope Temari understands that. Understands that it’s okay, to stop and smell the roses sometimes. Stop and just live for others a little bit more, and ground yourself in the moment._

_She was born a leader, and was always meant to be. She just never wanted it._

_Now, it’s come back to her, and it’s caught her unawares._


	26. Log 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just some drunk shenanigans (i think this can be considered a "filler" chapter, lol)

Log 24   
Subject: Hangovers

_Well, the first part of the exams are done and it turns out that too many people passed, but I’ll deal with that later, because my head is fucking killing me._

_Why? Because I got drunk as fuck, and this time I don’t give a shit._

_Currently, I am nursing one hell of a hangover, and Temari is passed out on the floor, because we decided against our better judgement to open up the liquor cabinet, which Shizune is currently in, sleeping off the booze. That woman cannot handle her alcohol for the life of her, and I remember her tripping into the cabinet after two shots and immediately snoozing._

_I’ve decided to leave her there. She needs to loosen up anyway. Also, I am a terrible example of a kage, but I honestly cannot bring myself to care right now, because my brain is refusing to cooperate._

_Oh fuck._

_Sakura just walked in. I’ll write later, after I’m done trying to explain why the Kazekage is drooling on the carpet, and why my advisor is out cold in my booze stash._

_Today’s going to be purgatory on Earth, I just know it._


	27. Log 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi yes hello, I'm back from the dead with some Kakashi action for u guys

Log 25  
Subject: Visiting Suna and Possible Team 7 Reconciliation

_Big news: I’m heading to Suna for the next stage in the Chunin Exams!_

__

__

__

_Turns out that too many people made it through the written round, so we're going to filter out the gold from the pyrite with this extra exam stage taking place in the Demon Desert. The participating teams will be given either a Heaven or Earth scroll. The goal is to get to the center of the Demon Desert with both scroll types in your possession._

__

__

__

_To be honest I'm actually pretty stoked about going, and not only for the Chunin Exams. I know Temari’s been Kazekage for a while before I found out, but I’m seriously curious about how Temari's changed Suna and it’s government. Rasa was ruining his village with his outdated policies and backwards ideals, and don't want to admit it, but maybe his demise at the hands of Orochimaru was for the better._

__

__

__

_Yay, dick-for-brains actually kind of didn't do a dirty for once!_

__

__

__

_Another thing I'm happy about: Kakashi is sort of edging out of his shell._

__

__

__

_Ever since the incident with Naruto and Sasuke, Kakashi has been avoiding almost all contact with anyone. He would occasionally stop by Naruto’s bedside window when said Uzumaki was hospitalized, but never entered his room. He still trained with Sakura, but I think the two of them just couldn't stand to be around each other without feeling uncomfortable, due to the abscence of Naruto and Sasuke. I honestly don’t think Kakashi was ever the closest to Sakura, and the rift between them both just grew wider and wider after their team lost two members._

__

__

__

_I'm not going to sugar-coat it. He wasn’t the best sensei, and he wasn't ever cut out to be one. I know he cares for his genin team, but I think he doesn't know how to show it, or is just wary of showing it. He’s lost so many people in his life, and blamed himself for it every time, and eventually closed himself off._

__

__

__

_And suddenly, just when it was starting to get better, just when it was healing, the wound is cut open and raw once again, and the people he loved were ripped away from him._

__

__

__

_I wish I could understand what Kakashi is going through, but he’s been condemned over and over, and the only way he can escape his demons is by making peace with them._

__

__

__

_Earlier this week, he asked me how Sakura was doing. Today, I see them talking together, slightly nervous, and a bit solemn._

__

__

__

_But, it's progress. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless, and the weight on their shoulders is lighter when they share it._

____

__

____


	28. Log 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello yes Sakura is a lesbian icon and you can fight me on this. 
> 
> (On a more serious note, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I've been going through a lot of of stuff and dealing with stress, and it's been really hard for me. Your comments and feedback keep me going though, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!)

Log 26  
Subject: Sakura’s Lesbian Panic and the Demon Desert

_All the three-man teams have entered the Demon Desert! The second stage has finally begun! I can’t wait to see who passes!_

_I’m confident of all my genin passing. They are all excellent shinobi, and have been training nonstop. I’m probably biased, and I don't want to play favorites, but I'm definitely rooting for Sakura. She’s on a team with Ino and Choji since Shikamaru is already a chunin._

_But, to be honest, the exam is not the only thing I'm excited about._

_Before, Sakura had acted nonchalant about it, saying she doesn't really care what team she’s on as long as she knows them well enough to pass the first part of the exam. But I'm no fool, and I've known and mentored Sakura long enough to know she was pleased with her team._

_Specifically because of a certain Yamanaka._

_Honestly I wish they would just start dating already. I don't know when it started, but their rivalry was just escalating more and more each day, until it somehow evolved into romantic tension. They started finding excuses to be around each other under the pretense of being rivals, and it became to the point where they were near-inseparable. One time, Choji actually walked in on the two cuddling (to which they responded, of course, that they were just cold). Hopefully, having to be constantly near each other during the exam (oh, the romantic tension is going to SKYROCKET, I’M SO EXCITED) will be the final push on their road to finally getting together._

_On the other hand, I pity Choji. Having to be near two nervous, tense, romantically-awkward messes can really be exasperating. Trust me, I know. There was a time when Jiraiya and Orochimaru were into each other, and in denial about it. They eventually got over each other (they were just too different in personalities and ideals to work out) and moved on, but while they were interested in each other, I ended up getting caught in the middle of it. It was so annoying and tiring just to see them constantly deny their attraction. During that time, they were literally walking headaches._

_Well that is all for today! Overall, these exams are definitely going to be a doozy. So much stuff is going to go down, I can hardly contain myself!_

_Oh, and on a final note, on the subject of Team 7 reconciliation, Kakashi apparently tried to gift Sakura one of his Icha Icha Paradise pornos._

_It's confirmed, Hatake is officially the most awkward human being alive. What can I say, at least he's trying!_


	29. Log 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed updates, I'm still working out the details of this AU's timeline. Please be patient with me! (also edited Kakashi's intermission a bit)

Log 27  
Subject: Scorpion Attacks and Strange Chakra

_I’m not freaking out. I'm not. It's only my first time overseeing a Chunin Exams, Kami damnit, I'm fine._

_...Fucking hell, I’m not fine. Apparently there’s a giant ass motherfucking scorpion on the fucking loose, just running willy-nilly around the desert and attacking the three-man teams. Yes, yes, I’m totally confident in my chunin’s abilities, and their capability to defend themselves and their teammates, but I’m just so…worried._

_I know it's ridiculous. There are much more terrible creatures and monsters out in the world, much greater dangers the chunin are bound to face, but I just can't control this anxiousness! I keep on imagining my teams getting hurt, irreparably hurt._

_I keep on imagining another incident._

_Another Naruto._

_Fuck, this is shit. Is this what being a mother feels like? Constantly worrying about your crotchspawn and continually being stressed? Plagued with paranoia over whether or not that distant scream is of laughter or an indication of ongoing murder? Cursed with the knowledge that anything could happen to your toddling little womb nuggets at any time?_

_My respect for mothers has grown a hell of a lot that's for sure, but I just can't stop thinking about that thrice-damned scorpion!_

_Fuck, I just have to trust in my shinobi and their strength. They know what they're doing._

_Probably._

_Hopefully._

_Geez, the position of Hokage is one headache of a job. Especially when you accidentally get attached to your walking annoyances of shinobi, argh._

_...Now, moving on (read: trying to move on) to another subject I want to discuss: the foreign chakra I've sensed in the desert._

_Of course, it could just be the chakra of a shinobi from a different village, but, I don't know. This chakra just seems a bit too...old, too powerful to be a chunin’s chakra. Just too different. It’s hard to detect and to describe exactly, but when you've trained with chakra manipulation and control as long as I have, you just know. If I could describe it, I would call it the smell of metal, sort of coppery, but a bit too damp to be just that. Kind of like the inside of a deep cave, sort of confined and musty, but alive, almost waiting. For what, I'm not sure exactly._

_The signature also has a sound, which is unusual. No, more like a feeling, like a foreboding, suspenseful twanging. Like the buildup before a jump scare in a horror flick, but more hollow and a hell of a lot less cheesier. I’ve already sent some jonin to keep an eye out for anything strange (and to rescue teams if shit really gets FUBAR)._

_Countless chunin have trained way too fucking hard for their exams to get messed up, not to mention the crazy amount of hours me and many others have put it to make this work. I do not intend for all this effort to be wasted._

_So for everyone, I'm gonna do my best to make these Exams go off without a hitch, weird chakra and crazy scorpions be damned._


	30. Log 28

Log 28  
Subject: A Ninja Shamisen-ist and What it Takes to Save the World

_I fucking knew it! I fucking called it! My Tsunade senses were tingling and whoop de doo, they were right on the button!_

_And, of course it has to do with the jinchuuriki. Kami above, I feel for these guys! Why is it always them? Can't they get a break, just once?_

_I've already been informed of the situation in the desert, and my jonin are on it. Apparently, a bald, shamisen-toting individual suddenly appeared after a wild sandstorm in the desert, which effectively managed to deter the Anbu that were tracking Fuu (the jinchuuriki) and her team. Then he started playing said instrument, which actually shot out a chain that began siphoning away the jinchuuriki's chakra. Fuu’s teammates are out cold, and the jonin are only close enough to get a fairly decent visual, so her best chance is another passing genin team who are willing to help._

_I have no other information on the situation though, but I’m positive Kakashi, Gai, and Kurenai have got it covered. I'm confident that they will be able to take this guy out, for they are all hells of powerful, and it's three against one anyway._

_Argh, but I SO want to kick this guy's ass. How dare he! How dare he just waltz the fuck in and start shit like that! I hope someone rips him a new one, or I might just charge the fuck out there and do it myself!!!_

_…Shit, I have to stay calm, and think rationally. Getting my panties in a twist isn't going to help anybody._

_I had sent Temari a messenger hawk about the situation and she agrees on letting the jonin handle this. Apparently she had actually left a clone in her place so she could escape the Kazekage tower discreetly and deal with this herself, but Baki talked her out of it._

_Well, there is nothing more I can do now, but I am definitely not letting this go. This jinchuuriki hunting has got to stop, it's putting everyone at risk. The first step is definitely going to be finding out where the jinchuuriki actually are. I just have to figure out how to go about it. I've actually met two of them before, Roshi and Han._

_Last I saw them, they were happily married. Now, they both may be dead for all I know._

_Fuck, I have a horrible feeling about this, and it's not just about the jinchuuriki being hunted. I haven't said this before, but Jiraiya, and I (and possibly Orochimaru) are the only ones who know the true motive behind the hunting of the tailed beasts. Jiraiya and I had discussed the topic through letters and had ultimately decided to keep this information on the down-low, so we don't cause mass panic. At that time we didn't even have much information to go on anyway. At first, we thought it was just another fanatic pro-Akatsuki group squaring up, but, obviously, it had turned out to be the real deal._

_One thing's for sure, it can't stay a secret much longer. If the five villages, no, the five shinobi nations want to get through the storm that is undoubtedly coming, this information has to be divulged, and the shinobi must unite._

_The question is: how exactly can we do this? Of course we can spill the beans on the bijuu, but the shinobi villages have had one hell of a rocky fucking past. I might actually have to request an early Gokage meeting just for this purpose._

_Honestly, I don't care what it takes. As Hokage, I'm going to do everything in my power to protect this world and the people I love. I am not going to waver when I need to square the fuck up, not this time. I'm Tsunade! The fifth Hokage, and member of the legendary Sannin. I've fought more wars than there are leaves on the trees, seen this world at it's worst and still fought for it because I had loved it anyway._

_I can only hope the other kage feel the same way, because as much as I wish I could, I can't protect this world alone. There is strength in your comrades, but comrades happen to be at an all time low._

_To be frank, I was hoping the Chunin Exams would serve to strengthen bonds as well as raise morale and churn out some kickass chunin._

_Unfortunately, in light of current events, that just might not be happening._


	31. Log 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some happiness for u guys so the intermission (hopefully) doesn't make you hate me

Log 29  
Subject: The Shamisen-ist got Wrecked

_I knew it! I knew I didn’t have to worry!_

_I just got a message back from the jonin. The jinchuuriki is safe, the tailed beast is still very much sealed away, and no one is hurt._

_Well, except for my Anbu. They got pretty damn hammered by the sandstorm, which I suspect wasn’t of natural causes, and I just finished patching up their wounds (which, thank Kami, are not fatal). Also, the Sands Black Ops are actually minimally hurt, which is strange considering that they were right there alongside my Anbu when the sandstorm hit._

_But that is a question for later, the situation is already hella hectic now._

_Temari and I have already decided to call all the teams back, and decide where to go from there. There is a possibility the exams might be canceled, which I would like to avoid, but is probably the best option what with all the huge shit that just went the fuck down. Though the Exam's possible cancellation doesn’t sit well with me, I can wholeheartedly say that I value the lives of my shinobi far more than any Chunin Exams._

_So, if the Exams are called off, the genin will probably be promoted based on their evaluation and skills displayed so far._

_Overall, everything is fine. The shinobi are safe and promotion is still possible, the jinchuuriki is alive and well, and an enemy has been defeated._

_Not too shabby, even if I say so myself!_


	32. Log 30

Log 30  
Subject: Promotions

_It’s been decided. The exams are going to be canceled. It doesn’t sit well with me, but it is for the best, and it’s time to move on anyway. Based on their evaluations, I have already decided who's going to graduate to chunin status. I just have to wait for my three-man teams to get back so I can give them the great news!_

_...OH MY KAMI, I’M SO PROUD. THEY'VE ALL WORKED SO DAMN HARD AND NOW THEY'RE BECOMING CHUNIN, YES YES YES!_

_Screw the exams! I’m so fucking proud of all of them I could scream!_

_Also, I’ve got the full mission report back from the jonin. Apparently, Team 9 arrived on the scene before the jonin, and thanks to their quick thinking and Neji’s Gentle Fist, they managed to take out the offender by turning his own jutsu against him! Neji had used his Byakugan to target the jinchuuriki’s tenketsu to keep her beast’s chakra from being stolen, while Tenten and Lee focused their attacks on the asshole shamisen-ist._

_So, because of this exemplary exhibition of teamwork and skill, I’ve decided to promote Rock Lee, Tenten, and Neji Hyuga to jonin status!_

_The other three man teams will still be promoted, although only to chunin status. But, I am absolutely sure they all will become jonin in no time, if they keep progressing as quickly as they are!_

_So, that’s it then I guess. My first time organizing a Chunin Exams, and it didn’t go half bad! Sure, it ended up being canceled, but we got our results, the genin are going to be promoted, and, hopefully, certain genin got some bonding under their belt (I’m looking at you two, Ino and Sakura)._

_And, not to sound sappy, but, in my opinion, that’s what really counts._


	33. Intermission: Raccoon, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's see if you can figure out which Anbu isn't an oc

“-And I kicked his ass!”, Jackdaw finishes triumphantly, to Leopard’s amusement, and Raccoon’s chagrin. The trio were leaping through the trees, managing to keep an eye on the blazing chakra signature ahead, and bicker at the same time. Currently, Jackdaw was reciting another one of her tales, in which, once again, she absolutely _wrecks_ Raccoon at taijutsu practice.

“Un-fucking-fair!”, Raccoon protests. “I admit, I was _shit_ at taijutsu back then, but I’ve gotten loads better!”

“Only because I ran you into the dirt every time!”, Jackdaw snickers, leapfrogging onto another branch. “You finally started getting it into that thick head of yours!”

“Jackdaw, _be nice_.”, Leopard chides gently, as he leaps gracefully across branches. “We’re supposed to work together, so stop teasing Raccoon, please.”

“You know what?”, Raccoon deadpans, voice devoid of emotion. “Sorry, Leopard, but I’m going to destroy her when we get back to Suna. Just you wait, Jackdaw. You’re going to regret ever-”

Suddenly something is different. All three of them sense it, and at the same time, all three of them come to a stop on a tree branch and fall silent.

Ever so carefully, Raccoon reaches out with his chakra, spreading it thinly and cautiously across the forest floor, searching and prodding among the foliage until-

“Got anything?”, Jackdaw asks.

“Wait-...ah, fuck.”

Damn it. A foreign signature, no, _two_ foreign signatures. One of them reeks of blood, thickly dark, and the other feels haphazard, like the threads of its energy were stitched together messily. The two signatures were in the way of the jinchuuriki, apparently blocking it’s path, the movement of the beast’s blazing chakra suddenly halted.

“Screw it.”, Raccoon whisper-shouts. “Akatsuki!”

Jackdaw swears and makes a rude gesture in the direction of the signatures.

“Oh, dear!”, Leopard gasps. “Should we engage?”

A million thoughts are running through Raccoon’s head. Should they engage? Though they definitely outnumber the two Akatsuki, who knows how powerful the enemy nin could be? Raccoon knows there’s a greater chance of victory if he _really_ lets loose, but if he does, he might spiral out of control. He’s getting better at controlling it, but even so…

“Okay, here’s the plan.”, Raccoon says after a few minutes of pondering. “Leopard, you go get reinforcements. Find another team, or any another shinobi closest to our area, and bring them over. We’re going to need all the help we can get.”

“On it.”, Leopard says, giving a two-fingered salute. Immediately, he turns and leaps away speedily through the trees, searching for reinforcements.

“Right, Jackdaw.”, Raccoon says, turning to his other teammate. “We’re going to try to hold them off. At least until reinforcements arrive.”

“Roger that, Eagle One!”, Jackdaw says, flashing a thumbs up. Raccoon doesn’t need to see her face to know she’s grinning behind her mask.

“It’s _Raccoon_ , you fuck. Now, let’s kick some Akatsuki ass!”  
___

 _If anything_ , Raccoon thinks, leaping over and narrowly missing getting nailed by a red scythe-blade, _We’re the ones getting our asses kicked, not the Akatsuki._

Really, how could it get much worse? The jinchuuriki was out cold, knocked out by the enemy, the jinchuuriki’s teammates were skewered by the enemy, and said enemy were whaling on Raccoon and his teammate. The gray haired one was yelling the f-word and laughing maniacally while trying to cut them with his three-bladed scythe, while the other one, a creepy, stitched up individual, was constantly lashing out with what appeared to be gray threadlike tendrils that could cut down whole trees.

 _I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”_ , Raccoon mentally groans. _At least my obituary’ll be badass._

He and Jackdaw had tried everything, burning them, splashing them with containers of corrosive acid, utilizing all the martial arts they ever learned, nothing worked, and the two Akatsuki members seemed to be indestructible. The gray-haired one just kept swinging his scythe whilst swearing colorfully, and the stitched one was brutally calm, continuing his assault with the thick dark threads.

Flipping away from another thick tendril, Raccoon flips through a couple hand signs, gathers fire chakra in his hands, and slams his palms to the ground. There was no other way, it was do or die. 

“ _Hidden Sand Technique: Glass Forest!_ ”, Raccoon shouts, sending streams of fire chakra through his sand, mentally congratulating himself for having the forethought to grind the ground below the surface into sand beforehand.

In the blink of an eye, the sand melts in one second and hardens the next, shooting up into crystalline spears. Huge chakra-coated spires of glass shoot up like crystal arrows, nearly skewering the two Akatsuki, and in a matter of minutes, the surrounding woodland is now a sparkling, landscape of glass, and splintered wood.

“Shit!”, Jackdaw yelps, hopping away from the glassy spikes. “Warn a bitch, will you?”

“Sorry!”, Raccoon, shouts back already flipping through a new set of hand signs. “I’ll try harder not to kill you next time! Now, _get behind me_!”

Ignoring Jackdaw’s cursing, Raccoon gathers wind chakra between his hands, and blasts it outward in a high-pressure stream.

“ _Wind Style: Streamline!_ ”, he shouts, wind chakra rocketing forward, shattering the glass and picking up the shards to form a whirling, deadly column of bladelike crystal.

The shards absolutely rip through the remaining trees and ground, scarring deep slashes into the earth and tearing it up, sending rock and earth flying. For a second Raccon and Jackdaw are blind, staring through the dust and debris.

”Did it work?", Jackdaw whispers, stepping forward onto the ravaged ground. ”Did you fuck them up?”

Raccoon doesn’t answer, just continues staring into the haze, searching fruitlessly for a sign of victory, something, anything at all-

Suddenly, a dark masked shape leaps out of the mist snarling animalistically, and before Raccoon can react, it tackles Jackdaw to the ground, holds her by the throat, and tears into her stomach, sending blood and flesh flying.


	34. Intermission: Raccoon, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come at me.
> 
> I dare you.

Raccoon moves (of course he does, he’s born to run) and twists on his feet, his reflexes the only thing spurring him on. It’s all in the muscle memory, his body isn’t his own.

_You’re on the other side, the animal uses it’s claws like a human, and rips out your heart. Throws it away, like your life is meaningless, like you shouldn’t have wasted your time living, only to die like a lamb at the slaughter. You’re dying, you know it, but you want to scream. Scream at Raccoon with his shell-shocked seaglass eyes to stay away. You shouldn’t care for him as much as you do._

_Raccoon knows not going to reach in time, but you know he’s fool enough to try._

He’s pinned down too, in a second, and something claws into his back, reaching for his spine, scratching against vertebrae.

The sand sucks it down, and mother wants blood. Mother’s been so hungry for so long, doesn’t she deserve relief?

“ _Jackdaw_!”

A scream sounds through the clearing, Raccoon’s awake again, and he sees Leopard on all fours, rocketing through what’s left of the charred, broken trees, shinobi behind him. Raccoon recognizes them. The dog boy, the shy girl with eyes like glass, and the kid with bugs hiding within. Raccoon forces his body up, and Leopard’s eyes are blue, blown whirlpools, his red-brown hair streaming behind him, as he goes straight for Jackdaw.

“Leopa-”

An explosion lights up the forest, and the stitched man is back, dark masked beasts by his side. The mouth of a mask lights up, (he knows, oh Kami he _knows_ ) it’s wide porcelain maw aimed at Raccoon-

But the glass-eyed girl flies past, and punches the thing right in the face. The mask shatters, the dark disperses, and a roar rises up. The boy’s dog, suspended in midair, pisses on Stitches’ face, effectively blinding him, as bugs assault the irate offender.

The mad one, the one who wants blood (almost as much as mother does _nostop_ ), swings his scythe, and Raccoon comes alive, meeting the flat of the blade in a snapkick, the red metal jerking upwards and the man curses. Minutes later a whirl of gray and white barrels into him, effectively cutting him off.

The battle descends into chaos from there.

Leopard dodges and flips and whirls chucking kunai at the enemy every time. Anchors chakra threads into the seams of the earth and _tugs_ flipping trees and chunks of ground onto the stitched man.

Dog boy fights like an animal, no holds barred. He bites, kicks, growls, and plays dirty, aiming punches at the groin, throwing up dirt to cover his attacks. He grabs his dog, holding the pup backwards, and lets him shoot out pee straight into the madmans eyes, howling with triumphant laughter as his opponent bellows in pain.

The one with bugs in him, the one Raccoon’s brother fought, has his arms straight out, releasing a a dark, buzzing horde onto the enemy. The bugs tear at the stitched man’s seams burrowing into him, pulling him apart.

Glass-eyes is easily the most terrifying. Her fists are alight with blue chakra and she spins, easy as dancing, every strike graceful and calculated. She fights with deadly precision, striking at the madman when the dog boy misses his mark, like she was born for war and vengeance. She shows remarkable forethought too, already having the jinchuuriki safe behind her, tenketsu cut off just in case, to prevent the tailed beast from being extracted in the worst-case scenario.

Raccoon feels like shouting in victory.

They’re _winning_.

Raccoon presses his palm to the crumbling earth, lets sand coat his fist and melts it with fire chakra, making it diamond-hard. He leaps into the fray, and he doesn’t even know anything about Glass-eyes, but he’s at her back, defending her and stopping stray blows from hitting the unconscious jinchuuriki. The madman swings out, nearly beheading Raccoon, but Glass-eyes elbows him hard, and manages to dodge, getting cut nonetheless. Her blood streaks through the air.

First blood to the Akatsuki.

The shinobi leap away from each other as dust and grime hangs suspended. Both sides are bruised, beaten and bloody, and they stalk like wolves, surveying the enemy carefully. A slick of ruby-red drips from the madman’s scythe. Glass-eyes glares, and swipes at her cheek wiping red across her face.

_You grin slowly, horribly, and you love the looks on their faces as they watch, confusion dancing across their features. You draw the circle around you, and they can’t stop you as a familiar pattern of black and white spreads across you. You’ve had the upper hand the second you drew blood from her pale skin._

_You swipe it from your scythe, and lick it, savoring the metallic tang._

_The Hyuuga is a dead girl walking._

In one quick move, the madman stabs himself in the chest. He draws a steady line from his heart to his stomach, grinning all the while, and Glass-eyes crumples to the ground spitting blood. Like some sick puppet show, an invisible blade slices down her body, spilling her organs from her chest and abdomen.

She shatters and breaks and bleeds, giving one final bloody cough. Her heart hangs from her broken shattered ribs. Her teammates rush to her, but it's too late.

She closes her glassy eyes.

The next second, the madman is ripped apart, thousands of bugs crawling out of the bloody orifice of his chest wound, tearing him apart from the inside,.

Raccoon dimly comprehends that the bugs are eating him alive. 

There’s so much _blood_.

Dog boy roars, his voice hollow with grief. He runs at the stitched man who’s already raised his arms up, is going to make this impudent whelp regret ever being born-

Not before the dog tears out the stitched man’s throat, not before Leopard flips through hand signs and burns him alive. He hasn’t died, but he will if he stays. He’s only in it for the million, the thrill of the silver and gold. He doesn’t value anything else.

Stitches runs, and no one stops him. There’s too much red slicking the floor, and the rich-sour tang permeating the air seems thick enough to choke on. Leopard cradles Jackdaw’s bleeding cracked skull, and Glass-eyes lies dead in the laps of her brothers-in-arms. Raccoon crawls to Leopard’s side, watching his friend care much too much, and watching her bloodied wrecked brain slip from the confines of her cranium.

It’s not over

It’s far from over. This is just the start of the end. The executioner’s blade rises, and the gallows sing.

It’s begun. The reckoning that will rend the Earth to it’s bones, destroying good and evil alike.  
___

Later, as the party walks back to Konoha, a sullen silence hanging over them, Raccoon catches the dog-boy staring at him. The other boy’s nose twitches, and his eyes widen.

Raccoon narrows his eyes and stares back in a silent threat.

_One word, and I’ll gut you._

Dog-boy’s eyes flick down, and he turns back to Glass-eyes, her body floating on a cloud of bugs, and says nothing.


	35. Log 31

Log 31  
Subject: Hinata

_She’s dead._

_Oh Kami, she’s dead._

_I-_

_I can’t-_

_It shouldn’t hurt this much. Why does it hurt so much? I’ve seen thousands die before, my comrades have died in my arms! I’ve seen millions of dead, littering battlefields, and hospital beds alike._

_Why does this hurt so damn much?_

_Kami, her body, it was torn apart. Like someone had physically ripped her open, clawed across her ribs. There’s no fixing her, she’s gone._

_Oh Sage, Hinata’s gone._

_This. This is it, the last straw. I will take no more, my people will take no more. I swear this on my name:_

_I will destroy the Akatsuki. I will tear them apart slowly, with my bare hands. I’ll kill them all, I’ll make them regret ever being born. I’ll burn them alive, in their own skin._

_I hate them, Sage, I hate every fiber in their cursed bodies. Every single wretched one of them, I hate them down to the marrow in their bones._

_Mark my words, I’ll make them all suffer._

_I’ll make them pay for what they’ve done._


	36. Log 32

Log 32  
Subject: The End of the Exams and Fuu of Takigakure

_All the shinobi are leaving now. The Chunin Exams are over, obviously._

_Hinata’s six feet under, now. There was no funeral. There’s no time for a funeral. We have to move on. Neji went absolutely spare, but I have to be the bad guy right now. The time we waste on a funeral is more time for the Akatsuki to fuck more shit up._

_I hate to keep moving on, but that’s all we can do right now. Her death is only the beginning of many more. For that matter, I have a plan. Well, at least the beginning of one._

_As I said, all the shinobi are leaving. Except for one: the Takigakure jinchuuriki._

_Why?_

_Well, I recalled that earlier, back when Naruto was injured, the sand siblings had visited, I was told something about jinchuuriki._

_Jinchuuriki’s tailed beasts can communicate over long distances. And, by extension, the jinchuuriki can locate each other through communication (speaking of jinchuuriki, I know where Gaara is, but that’s not my place to divulge)._

_So, I talked with Fuu, the Six-Tails host, and we agreed on one thing: Fuu will not be returning to Takigakure. Not only is it safer than the small village that is her home, it will also give an excellent opportunity to actually locate the other jinchuuriki_

_She has already sent a letter to her village leader explaining why she won’t be coming home, and it’s not like she’s staying against her will, anyway._

_She’s surprisingly excited, going on and on about making a hundred friends._


	37. Log 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> edited chapter 22
> 
> sorry for the absence!

Log 33  
Subject: The Nanabi Jinchuuriki

_It’s been a while since I last wrote, but not for nothing. Much progress has been made, and Fuu practices reaching out to the other jinchuuriki daily!_

_It’s thanks to this constant reaching out that has actually brought to light the fact that some of Fuu’s fellow jinchuuriki are already fucking dead._

_Fuu says she knew a long time ago that some of them were gone. It was like an absence, like some integral part of her had been ripped away, leaving a raw wound in it’s place._

_It happened around the time of the exam, leaving her weak, and tired. She hates it. The feeling of a missing piece, from the puzzle she’s a part of. I wonder why no other jinchuuriki tried to reach out the way Fuu did. I suppose Fuu had the most incentive. Her explosive personality, paired with her small boxed-in village was a match made in hell. She was bound to get fed up!_

_Anyway, I’m glad she got fed up. I would never have met her if she didn’t. She’s like a ray of sunshine on legs._

_She makes everything a little brighter._


	38. Log 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 21 has been edited slightly

Log 34  
Subject: The Plan

_Fuu’s taking rest. She deserves it! She’s been working nonstop to reach out to the other jinchuuriki, and I cannot imagine the mental strain she has to go through._

_She’s not the only one under pressure. Things are heating up. Many of my shinobi are out on missions (Sakura’s joined Kiba and Shino’s team) and I myself have been working on the beginnings of a plan._

_The jinchuuriki absolutely must be found. I mean honestly, we have no idea of their whereabouts, or their current status, and it’s already been made clear that they are being hunted. One of my nin paid the ultimate price because of our total stupidity! Myself included! I thought it wasn’t serious, that it was just another wishy-washy attempt, by a couple of idiots, to revive the Akatsuki, but that was obviously not the case. If we find the jinchuuriki, it’ll be easier to keep tabs on them!_

_I’m going to have to hold an early Five Kage’s Council to get the point across. I need all the help I can get if I want this plan to work. Fuu’s the most important part of it. If she can locate the other jinchuuriki, they can be rescued more easily!_


	39. Log 35

Log 35  
Subject: Naruto

_I just got the fucking hawk-message-whatever-you-call-it, from Jiraiya._

_Naruto’s coming home._

_I thought I’d be more excited, but I don’t want him to come home to this. A subdued atmosphere, the Konoha 11 cut down to the Konoha 10._

_Oh, Kami, oh shit shit SHIT!_

_I haven’t even told anyone yet!_


	40. Epilogue: Naruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> out of context assertion: naruto would wear croc martens and you can fight me on that

Jiraiya smiles down at Naruto, eyes crinkled, sparkling, and wise, a hand steady on the blonde’s shoulder. They have come to the crossroads at which their paths will part, but it's been so long that Naruto is struck with sudden uncertainty, as far from _ready_ as he could get. His throat's so dry, and his eyes are so wet, but he musters a shaky smile.

It hurts so much just to smile.

“Shit. This is it, right?, Naruto says, his voice raspy, his sensei already miles away in his eyes. “This is where I leave you?”

Hesitation. Then Naruto steels himself and speaks again.

“You could-...you could come back, you know. You could still train me, and you'll be happy. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Jiraiya just shakes his head no, and gives Naruto a tired half-smile, but his eyes are wet too. His grip tightens on Naruto's shoulder.

“They need you, brat.”, the Sannin says, a mixture of sorrow and amusement. “More than you need me, and you know have to go. I fight at the frontlines. My shinobi way”

Of course. It was too much to hope for, too much to ask. Naruto’s vision blurs, and he's statue-still for a moment, but then looks up, his expression determined. He understands.

“I had to try.” Naruto shrugs, shooting Jiraiya a grin of resignation and a thumbs up. “I'll be fine. You already taught me loads of shit! I'll work on the Sage Mode, improving the Rasengan, Summoning, everything you taught me! I’ll do it all, no sweat!”

There is a sudden horrible dark ache in his chest, and Naruto wants nothing more than to hold the Sannin back somehow. He knows, in this moment, that this could be the last time, and it’s boiling in his stomach, but he swallows his bile and stifles the ache. His grin cracks like drying plaster.

“That's the spirit, kid!”, Jiraiya laughs, ruffling Naruto's hair, as the blonde swats at his hand and snorts with laughter. The heavy, loaded kind. “And you better watch out, all your friends are bound to have been training too! “Remember, Sakura's getting trained by Tsunade, so you better not get your ass kicked or I'll never hear the end of it, okay?”

“For sure, Pervy Sage!”, Naruto says, his voice shaky yet resolute. He's turned down his road and his voice is carrying, echoing through the blue of the sky. There’s no going back now.

“Just you wait. When I see you again, I'll be as powerful-no-even more powerful than you, believe it!”

Jiraiya just grins ever wider, turning away, walking his own path, sensei and student, a step further away and beyond every minute.

_I don't need to wait._ , Jiraiya thinks. _I already know._  
___

The breeze whistles along, singing a tune all it's own, and Naruto grins, smiling wide and tasting the air, relishing in it, feeling like he could fly. The strange ache in his chest is long gone now, replaced with a wild, fluttering heartbeat.

Three years. It's been three whole years. Three whole years since he’s seen his home, tasted Ichiraku ramen (with fishcakes, the way he likes it), curled into his bed knowing that tomorrow would come and loneliness wouldn't be so familiar, smelled the scent of oak and spruce.

Kami, how he has missed his friends. Sakura, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Tenten, Lee, Neji, Shikamaru, Ino, Chouji. Everything about them. Their voices tired and happy and lonely together. Callouses on their hands from katas, sparring, and the plaster of bandaids on scrapes. Just laying in the grass together, dreaming of a kingdom in the clouds. 

Naruto misses Tsunade, her smile lines, warm brown eyes, and strong hands. How she lost hours of sleep, just so he could stay awake. He misses Iruka’s warm hugs, and soothing singing when Naruto was lost in his own head. He misses Maito Gai’s exuberance and love for life, Kurenai’s calm aura and grace, Asuma’s cigarette smoke that smelled like burnt pine wood, and his horrible corny puns, Kakashi’s voice with it’s slow deep timbre, and his constant inability to keep track of time.

And _Sasuke_. It’s been stupidly long. Naruto’s grown up a bit, though, and he had loved Sasuke back then, very much. It was a very childish, unconditional love, and that was exactly why it was so powerful.

Naruto’s grown up a bit, and thinks that he would be okay staying just friends with Sasuke if it means having him back, having things go back to the way they should be. He misses that more than anything, and he’s going to get his friend back, no matter what. He swears it on his ninja way.

_Thanks to them_ , Naruto thinks, _Thanks to every single one of them, I know a home is not a place, it's a people._

Speaking of home, Naruto almost doesn't realize it, he's so caught up in his thoughts. Almost doesn't realize exactly where he has arrived. 

Almost misses the smell of leaves, dirt, and Konoha, but not quite.

A few paces away, he spots the great green wood gates, the threshold back to his family.

Finally, Naruto's home.


End file.
